I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
