it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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