I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
