if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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