I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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