Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
