So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
