I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
