Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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