Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize