You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
