i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
