White coat. Heels.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
