Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
