Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
