please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize