Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
