I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
