She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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