Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
