that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
