So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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