found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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