The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
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I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
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He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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