Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
