I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
