You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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