so that wasnt chicken after all
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
