i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
