Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
