I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.