She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.