She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?