So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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