come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
