Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
