She is in my trunk
you would pick up someone in the library
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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