It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
