Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
