When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
