Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.

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  (301): you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop. http://tfl.nu/0o9n
  Replies (19) Good night (7227) Bad night (736)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.

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  (773): yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL. http://tfl.nu/d3ky
  Replies (29) Good night (697) Bad night (7708)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.

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  (610): he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted. http://tfl.nu/laiq
  Replies (34) Good night (6580) Bad night (716)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos

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  (617): the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos http://tfl.nu/3hab
  Replies (11) Good night (3753) Bad night (881)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.

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  (985): Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man. http://tfl.nu/y0hn
  Replies (16) Good night (901) Bad night (5743)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...

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  (605): Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away... http://tfl.nu/4asr
  Replies (4) Good night (1310) Bad night (1208)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.

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  (580): I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing. http://tfl.nu/utec
  Replies (26) Good night (2016) Bad night (806)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life

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  (907): Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life http://tfl.nu/0u5y
  Replies (2) Good night (1525) Bad night (484)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.

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  (229): I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/rrz0
  Replies (3) Good night (1740) Bad night (564)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!

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  (724): If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF! http://tfl.nu/xzr6
  Replies (14) Good night (1578) Bad night (884)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  May the one with the liver that just won't quit win

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  (843): May the one with the liver that just won't quit win http://tfl.nu/5sn2
  Replies (3) Good night (993) Bad night (557)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.

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  (610): I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real. http://tfl.nu/qhs0
  Replies (8) Good night (603) Bad night (1214)
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  But break dance skills will only take you so far

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  (551): But break dance skills will only take you so far http://tfl.nu/859m
  Replies (1) Good night (573) Bad night (309)
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after

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  (289): our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after http://tfl.nu/x4st
  Replies (5) Good night (582) Bad night (350)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".

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  (231): My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here". http://tfl.nu/5x82
  Replies (2) Good night (545) Bad night (253)

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