i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!