i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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