You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I smell stomach acid.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
