i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
