Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
