He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
this will be a night to untag.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
