Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
