Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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