My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
