The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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