WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
