I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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