Sry I called you an 8
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
