i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
