help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
