the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
