Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
