Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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