i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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