I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
