I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
