Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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