His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
