I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
