WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That accounts for only three of the penises
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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