I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
