All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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