who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
