I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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