Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
