Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
