Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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