when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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