I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
