after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
