Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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