Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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