Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
