is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
