He is such a slut. More and more my type.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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