His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
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