Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
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want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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