She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
