i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
