So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
