How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
